Introduction via the meaning of fear

A picture depicting my fears

“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven.” – John Milton

To know most people you have to know their fears.  But their fears are precious to many people, because who would they be without their fear?

As a writer, I should be exposing myself willingly to being destroyed by my emotions, writing  and living until my heart is a void, still I am more guarded than a lot of people I meet and I could envy how easy it seems until I meet somebody so guileless it hurts.

What better way to introduce myself then to expose some of the fears I see in the picture?

• Colour:  Apart from the skin and aura effects, there is not much use of colour in this picture as one of the dipictions of the way the struggle between the dark and light side envelops my world, but also fear and hope.  The colour schemes of the angels and myself show this struggle, I am wearing a grey t-shirt and the world itself is in black and white.  Caught between black and white and I have yellow in the soles of my shoes, like the angel’s aura, but even the angel has a little darkness in him at the same time as being a source of light.  The black smoky boarder shows how I am trapped inside this struggle.
• The Figures:  The positioning, poses and clothing figure in a few ways.  Traditionally you’d have the angel and devil on your shoulders.  Left and right.  But here I’ve shown the dark angel central and in focus, a powerful figure, the angel’s movements could be autonomous or he could be taking commands from the dark side, so my hope could be driven by my fear or my dark side.  Finally the human has clothing with aspects of both of the angels, he has the gloves of the fallen, but not the bracers and he has less torn jeans and shoes, not boots.
• Inside Information: The way the location is closed off show how worried I am that I’d never break free of this struggle.  That I’d have to embrace a darker nature, because there is an efficiency to it.  I seem to get things done when I go dark-side.  I’m also afraid of my light side, the side that tries to be everybodies friend, tries to do everything I’m told to without much thought, tries to understand people until they figure they can take advantage of that.  I’m afraid that to be light, I have to be dumb, and to be smart I’d have to be coldly efficient.  I’m afraid that I am used to letting people walk over me and I don’t let much of myself out, because I think the part of me that can navigate the world won’t be someone anybody knows.  So like Rrish noted, I am afraid of redeeming myself, acting how I want too, because I simply have no idea who I’d be because of this gulf between who I show and who I think I am.  So I keep myself trapped in this struggle I fear  and I fear myself.  Who would I be, without fear?

~ by Dashiell Hawker on December 25, 2008.